For the past three years, I stopped writing on the blog. As a school counselor, I was undergoing a professional transformation that required my attention. The professional transformation was also affecting me. By questioning "why is a school counselor leader needed" it also questioned my personal value as a human.
Many said I did not play the political game correctly that exists in education. I beg to differ. I believe that every child deserves a chance to learn and be successful. I believe that school counselors should be focusing on students rather than managerial tasks.
I put a pause on everything. I made a difficult decision to let go. With one door closing, I had to take a break and reflect on all of the teachable moments endured. This took a year, a change in mindset and a desire to continue inspiring.
Here is my story from the past years. I have met and spoken to many school counselors nationally who have similar ideas and are faced with different perspectives or conflict. I embraced courage to share my journey since 2016 in the hopes it will give school counselors some inspiration to being a support for others.
You really don’t begin thinking about who you really are until you hit the bottom of the barrel. In my recent years, I noticed myself being the target of harsh words that kept pushing me down further and further. Every morning I would wake up with a knot in my stomach and the words repeating in my mind: you are worthless. I questioned who I was as a leader and a school counselor. I even began to question who I was as a person. The environment became chaotic, I was useless, my purpose was unclear and I felt unsafe in a world where before I made a difference.
In my journey of clarification, I found that I had lost a sense of purpose and understanding of who I am. Call it soul searching, but it was more than just feeling good. It was a path that would bring me back to who I really was and had lost along my many years of trying to be accepted and belonging to a cultural environment that felt disconnected.
Who am I? An earth angel with lots of smiles as one person who inspired me once said. Yes, not a true angel, but a human with an abundance of support, positivity and caring for others. A guide who delivers a sense of purpose and clarifies the next path to be taken. An inspirational soul that believes in a profession that supports everyone and assists them with finding their own journey. Hence the career of school counseling matched my purpose in life.
I am also an empath. I feel the joy, sadness, frustrations and all of the emotions one can feel. I struggle with them as I try to help others overcome the barriers. At the end of the day, I find a way to let go knowing that tomorrow the sun will rise and a new day begins with different emotions. I look for the beauty of a new day, of each person I meet, and how they are teaching me something new. Not how I am helping them. With a new knowledge, I grow as a person and can understand humanity better one issue or emotion at a time. I can celebrate the gains and spread the smiles!
Through my own soul searching, I found my peace. I found that it is important to take care of myself first if I am to support others. I found that there is a reason for why things happen and look for lessons from every event that comes my way, good or bad. I have learned that angry words and behaviors towards me are not “my problem” but a reflection of the dark soul who shares those. I have embraced the smiles, gratitude, and the desire to continue spreading the wealth of positivity. I am an earth angel!